i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
