I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
