I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
