how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have fence marks all over my body
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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