But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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