ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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