i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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