it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
