I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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