"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
