She is in my trunk
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
