after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
