Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
