Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
