I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
