he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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