Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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