saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
