News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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