i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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