I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There r osticjed everywhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
