her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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