Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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