this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
