I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
