Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
