we're blogging at a bar
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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