Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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