God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
