Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
