I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
