I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
