Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just googled if crying burns calories
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
