What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
