Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
