I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
