I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
