If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
