He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
