Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
