I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
