clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
