i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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