I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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