just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
