i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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