Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
