im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
