Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
