Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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